Introducing our budding family. We hope you will enjoy watching us grow... and everything else under the sun. ;)

Put Yourself in Someone Else's Shoes

It's nearing the end and we are starting to imagine the day our daughter will be home. What will that day be like? What or how many more obstacles or loopholes will we have to endure to get to that day?

With that in mind, we have no regrets, there isn't a moment that goes by that would make us trade this experience. However, everyday life gets harder and harder. We are constantly hit with questions and problems that are out of our control. Who will watch Hayden while we travel? Should we take Hayden with? Do I (as a mother) feel comfortable leaving him home while we leave and meet our daughter, leaving him in family/friends hands? Why am I told not to worry, but get puzzled looks when asking about the welfare of my son? His life is full too, therapies to help with his developmental delays, fun activities like play, and his love for school. How will he handle mom and dad being gone for several weeks? Do we have all our finances in order? And our paperwork? Yet again, we are faced with expiration dates - papers and fingerprints that need to be re-done.

Yet we rarely hear anyone ask... how are you doing? How are you holding up? This must be hard on you, how are you managing?... Instead we are frequently asked "When?". A question that we don't always know the answer too, a question that most people react like they have opened a can of worms. Or one that people feel that warrants a response like "How come you don't know" then "that's ridiculous!"

And after 20 some odd months, we feel like we are going down this road alone.

We started this blog to help educate our family and friends about the hometown of our daughter while we are there, make them aware of our progress, and share family moments.

So, from this day on... put yourself in our shoes. Imagine how hard it is to want to bring your child home. Imagine how hard you have worked everyday for this for months. How hard it is to explain to your 6 year old who is just as desperate as us why the process takes so long? Or a cashier who your 6 year old just told - that he's getting a baby sister (and your not pregnant). Imagine that yearning to finish the child's room, without a child to fill it. Imagine having no one understand how hard of a process this is, and dealing with that day after day. I (Michael) was just asked by one of my former students who is doing her research paper on International Adoptions as she has a close relative also working through the process, "What was the easiest part of the process?" It took me a really long time to think of a response...made me realize "they" don't make it easy, not one darn thing! Her next question was what would I that I could easily answer and went on and on and on. She said her relative pretty much said the exact same things as me. And it's really frustrating, but we know in end it will all be worth it when we finally bring our daughter into our lives.

Yes, life is hard, we manage. We have good days and bad. We try to keep our heads up. We try to empathize with others, so why can't others empathize with us? For example, while calling a bank that took away our last loan that we needed to finish the process, a loan that is for people who are adopting, the customer service rep felt horrible, yet it was out of her control. The bank made the decision to pull this type of loan and didn't care if we still needed the rest of the money. I could hear the sympathy in her voice, she wanted to help, but the computer was in charge.

This is the first blog entry we have collaborated on, sharing our feelings to those who read.


J said...

I know what you mean......took me 7 years in total, 2 failed attempts, 5 journeys.....cost a fortune, remortgaged the house twice....but got there in the end.
Some of the things that happened, well, the pain will never leave me, ever. I'm glad I'm thru it, it sure changed me, and I wish I'd never had to go thru it.

I remember I asked a friend once 'Why me?' She replied simply 'Because you can.'

It's true. We can handle whatever comes because we are strong, and we can.

You are not alone. Good luck on the rest of your journey. J.

Pat and Alli said...

I know how you feel :) Its hard for people who haven't had a similar experience to understand. Thankfully there is a wonderful adoption community who have been in your shoes and can provide support.

It is hard but soon you will be holding your daughter and these challenges will fade into distant memories.

Best wishes.


Rayna said...

it's true! it's really hard! and people who have not been through it, don't understand. we are in the same boat. we get asked a lot "when". and then they are surprised when we don't have an answer. it's frustrating, but i know it will be worth it in the end. hang in there!!


Julie said...

I like this post and I fully agree. No one can "get it" until you've done it! It is hard every step and you really never know what the next challenge will be. I wish you all the best and please realize that sometimes the adoption community does provide the best support and understanding during the process!! Once you are home and everyone can see your beautiful daughter and what a miracle adoption is others will be supportive. Most people cannot understand the call to adopt and do not know how to approach the topic!
I'll be following your journey and offering positive support whenever I can!!